It aint easy, to ever say goodbye

"The simplest questions are the most profound. Where were you born? Where is your home? Where are you going? What are you doing? Think about these once in a while, and watch your answers change. "

--Richard Bach in Illusions

For someone like me who has seen answers to these questions changing with every 3-4 years (or may be less) changes should have been a way of life. Throughout my life at regular intervals, I had to say good-byes to my schools and schoolmates, cities I lived in, rooms I called my own, routes so familiar and friendly that they almost look like friends, sights so lovely that you want to gaze them till eternity and of course, people I shared my life with . But I could never find the ‘good’ part of the good-byes. Despite my gypsy streaks and lifelong practice of changing surroundings, I still find it difficult to deal with. The brain accepts the change but the heart rejects. There were times when I was almost happy to leave the place, the people and the surroundings and naturally, was quick to say goodbyes ….but even in those cases, goodbyes came with a package deal of adjusting to new surroundings.

Last month was hard for me due to this typical capricorn-ian inertia . I did not even enjoy visiting Lucknow this time. My mind was full of worries of tidying up things at Kolkata ....and settling down in the new surroundings of New Delhi. Even travel which otherwise I would have loved, could not distract me.

Day after tomorrow I leave for a new city, a new office and very soon a new home… and here I am still attached to my ties with the city , office and the house I am leaving. In last eight years of my career I changed 5 stations ( Mussoorie, New Delhi , Shimla , Jaipur and Kolkata ) but it was never so difficult as it is this time. I was amazed at the reaction I got from people around me. In the heart of my heart I know I don’t deserve such affection from them. I also know that system will take care of itself. Everyone-including me , will soon adjust to the change. After all its a system where no one is indispensable. Whatever we think to pamper our vanity or say at the time of farewell, the bare fact remains that -
कल और आयेंगे नग्मों की खिलती कलियाँ चुनने वाले

मुझसे बेहतर कहने वाले तुमसे बेहतर सुनने वाले
कल कोई मुझको याद करे- क्यों कोई मुझको याद करे ?
मसरूफ ज़माना मेरे लिये क्यों वक्त अपना बर्बाद करे

but still , I will think about the places and people I leave behind . May be very soon in this blog you will find me telling about my new home ,new work and new city ...but I know there will be times when my mind will take me back to the scenes and smells I miss in the changed surroundings.

Like always, I look at it philosophically. ...Best comfort I get these days is from the words of Tagore . In one of his songs he says -when my footprints will no longer be on this door,when I will no longer tie my little boat on this shore and I will go away from this place ...what if no one remembers me , things will remain just the same and in some other form it will still be 'me' participating in everything going around here. Here you can listen to this beautiful song .Wish me luck for my new posting .